things that i write down sometimes about my day
[DAY/MONTH/YEAR]
Heya, been a few days since no update on the diary.
So far, about the anxiety medicine, uhhh, yeah, not sure about it yet.
Now, going back to the website, it's still in heavy underconstruction. When i actually decide to make more progress on the website, i'm going to update the index page more. And try to learn more about CSS during Responsible Web Design on freecodecamp. However, that's after i finish this semester of college, then i'm going to make more progress on the website.
Also, trying to find internships and well, so far no luck. yesterday, i decided to send my internships more outside of my country (brazil) to united states (remote only jobs) maybe that could increase the chance to get a internship
Btw, i've been trying to find friends during online college. Since unfortunately it's online, making friendships in person is been difficult. The friendships that i could make is on gym but so far, no ideas yet in where i could make friends.
Sometimes i feel like im grinding stuff in order to achieve my dreams. Sure, for example, i try to spend time on updating DemoScripter every day (atleast a hour), do extension project progress and etc and it feels sometimes boring, like not fun. Not saying that i'm going to stop doing it but, yeah, it feels abit boring you know, doing the same thing everyday. But i think once this semester is finished, im going to spend my time in doing something else that doesn't involve using a computer (which i want to find other alternatives thing)
That's it so far. When i update the index.html, i'm going to add the links page to my Ko-Fi, Youtube and etc. I'm also going to link others pages from this website too.
Cya.
So far, the website looks like this:
it's still in really under construction and well, i don't think that i will work on this website anytime soon since i have other priorities. The priorities being:
and other stuff.
I even made a 88x31 button in the first day of this website too! I made it using Krita and well, it looks boring tbh.
I like Neocities and i see it as the ultimate online profile page. You can make your profile just like how you want it to be and every profile is different, it shows that any person ins't the same. They are different in one way or another. And i think making my own website in neocities is great since i can apply what i learn in freecodecamp and improve at web development.
DemoScripter is a framework that i made in Godot Engine that is heavily inspired by NScripter. At first, i tried to use Dialogic to mimic that style, however, i didn't manage to, so, slowly, i made a visual novel framework and i'm glad i did. Even though i was in a rough state of mind (learning Godot Engine and not being good enough at programming using GDscript, it's the Dunning Kruger effect)
In my Ko-Fi page, i said about mind racing in which i think i have ADHD. The mind racing that i have is like, it always have multiple ideas, even though i don't want to think about a project. For example this website, yesterday when i was running with my brother, i wanted to relax and well, just use the bike and don't worry about the project. However, my mind is like a car without a brake, it didn't stop having ideas for this website, even though i didn't want it right now. Sure, it's good to have ideas and when i did have the ideas, i wrote it down on Obsidian but, it's not only ideas but sometimes a music playing in the background or something else. When it was my first day going to the psychiatrist in this year, he recommended me a anxiety medicine, thinking it may be anxiety. My mom said that i did have difficult in attention back in middle school and so, he said that if the anxiety medicine didn't work, then he's going to recommend me a ADHD medicine. But, i gotta be honest, i'm abit afraid in taking the anxiety medicine since that's something i don't really want to depend on. I want to be able to make my mind racing stop just by natural methods, like 3-3-3 rule, 5-1, meditation, etc. When i left the psychologist the day she recommended to go to psychiatrist, my mind felt at peace, like i never had the mind racing to begin with. It's really strange. And while i don't mind always using the ADHD medicine, i don't really like depending on the anxiety medicine since i think my problem is mainly ADHD somehow. I'm also afraid that if i take the anxiety medicine, i wouldn't be able to quit it and be worse after i stop taking it.
Putting the long paragraph about my mental health aside, this will be nostalgic one day. Even though i miss the old times back in high school, there were problems back then, so it wasn't perfect just like now. Like, my college experience ins't perfect since it's a online college and not in person college which i wished it was. But i have other problems too, like the mind racing, back pain, etc. And right now, in this state of the website, the diary ins't accessible in the index page. There is no link to it. So this note is before the diary page was available.
I didn't put the links about my Github, Ko-Fi page and other stuff yet. Someday i will add it.
And note, the first entry of the diary was written today but uhhhh, i wrote it on Obsidian first, so i think it counts? Also, that entry was the day where this website got created.
Yeah, that's it for now.
at night, i decided to run together with my brother. I was using a bike since i can't keep up with his run.
then, suddenly, it started to rain. The atmosphere of the night rain was sick and i never thought such a thing would happen to me since well, i never run at night when it rains. It was cool.