things that i write down sometimes about my day
[DAY/MONTH/YEAR]
still having back pain issues. unfortunately, the public health system thing didnt call for the public ortopedist, so i guess if i want another consult, i have to pay. (still unemployed even though im trying hard to find a job or a internship)
im finishing a alpha version of the 3d ball game which only focuses on the vn easter egg! later, im going to send it to my friends to see what they think about it
after that, when its day 5 of this month or something, im probably focusing on the archive feature for DemoScripter.
today's the last day of this month and the last day of the 30 day focus thing.
the fray research progress was good! im currently on the input part where im researching every file related to inputs and i think its going to be a fun part since im going to be able to learn how the special moves inputs work!
but how was the whole 30 day focus plan? i think it was good to be honest! while i didnt focus on projects on the weekends, i think it was great.
so, what now? idk to be honest. im probably thinking of focusing on the next 5 days on the vn easter egg for 3D Ball Game sequel and then focus on the archive feature for DemoScripter.
been also studying japanese and i think now im kinda able to study japanese in a constant way. there is still a problem where im not able to watch japanese videos and understand it abit. (which is immersion and im also dont know where to find japanese videos, content, etc)
theres also been progress on my art studies! im currently focusing on head construction by michael hampton and since a month ago, im slowly following the Marc Brunet 1 year art schedule (not doing art studies everyday to prevent burnout btw)
i have a repository for the wip documentation of every file of Fray.
im thinking of participating in a game jam on the Godot Wild Jam server! i probably going to do it after i finish a progress milestone on the easter egg for 3D Ball Game.
also, heres a audio file of me recording for the daily note. (first time using my voice on my neocities page!)
thats about it, cya
so, about the 10 day focus thing, its almost time that the focus for the index page ends. that means i wouldn't focus updating much my neocities page and focus on researching Fray.
even though i've been doing freecodecamp while updating the neocities page, it sometimes just feels im grinding this rather than having fun. like, my main dream is making a game studio and it feels like i should focus on godot first, even though i know that i want to get a internship too, so uhh, yeah.
and no, i still havent got a internship. sometimes it makes me worry that if i will be able to get a internship nor get a actual junior job for software engineering, which could make me regret not focusing on godot instead or something.
so, starting tomorrow, i will focus on godot and i really want to actually make a 2d fighting game prototype since 2023. since my godot skills have improved (finally), i think im able to actually continue researching Fray more as a intermediate developer and learn even more. i think that once i make the 2d fighting game prototype, with what i've learned from Fray framework, i think i probably could consider myself advanced at godot. (or not though)
also, i want to focus on the archive feature for DemoScripter which allows it to load dialogue ids other than 1 and have everything in synced.
and about Fray, im thinking of making a public repository where i try to document the files of Fray in order to help Pyxus about his framework documentation.
sometimes, i wonder if what im doing is correct, though. like is it really the right to focus on freecodecamp rather than godot? i think thats something normal since trying to make a game studio is something uncertain, like it could be successful or not.
thats about it for now, cya
btw, for some reason, sometimes my computer changes the key bind of / to another bind, like Alt Gr, which i don't understand why it does that. (happens on screenlock, not sure how to fix it and btw, its a Lenovo Ideapad S145 in case its a specific issue with the laptop model or something)
been doing some progress on the neocities page and for the first time, i tested Github copilot. im really impressed about it, specially with the code auto completion and being able to ask copilot about code things!
like, specially the random select system thing that i just had a comment before and boom, it literally suggested auto completion for the data structure and functions, like damn
btw, i didnt pay for github copilot, so when i booted up visual studio code today, the funcionality was already active before i knew it!
i also managed to generate a music player for the website using copilot, but well, its not finished
even though this great for generating code, obviously, i will need to understand as to why certain things work, like how the css worked to make animations, etc in order to fully use copilot to its max potential. (like, already understand concepts before using it, you know)
anyways, no psychiatrist call yet, so i still have mind racing and trying to deal with it without medicine (didnt take anxiety meds, which i think its not the right medincine)
in the future, im thinking of adding a music page for adding my beepbox musics and other wip musics there!
hey, so about the neck pain, i feel better! (thankfully)
anyways, about the schedule thing that i said before, i finished focusing on the Visual novel easter egg story thing. While i did finish the start to finish idea, the scenes arent finished (like line by line).
the 5 deaths, 10 deaths and 15 deaths (half atleast) is finished. The only scenes remaining are the other half of 15 deaths, epilogue of phase 1 and epilgue of phase 2.
oh yeah, i didnt say about phases but, the sequel of 3D Ball Game will have 2 phases with 3 levels each. The first phase will have the similiar style of the first game while the phase 2 will have its own unique style, changing game elements, game mechanics, etc.
about visual novels, im thinking of getting beta readers to read my story. (like get feedback, etc) however, its abit scary for me. i never did something like this before, so that makes me feel abit shy. also, i have another idea for a visual novel but, its a fan visual novel for Dragon Ball. Super Dragon Ball Heroes, to be specific, so i will need beta readers for that VN to see if the characters are right. In case i do get beta readers (like someone contact or you, the one reading this, contact me about), please take it easy it since im not like a professional writer nor the best one. (and also writing is just a hobby, not something that i really want to improve like art), so i would've like suggestions in how to write better characters, scenarios, writing style, etc!
so, today starts the development of the index page for my neocities! i'm going to come back in doing progress to the freecodecamp course while doing progress on my neocities page!
i will add more some page sections to the index page, too!
about the anxiety medicine thing, i didnt take it so far and well, the consult was supposed to be on day 3 but, i was feeling heavy neck pain and i didnt knew about it. not sure when they are gonna call again.
today, while sleeping, i somehow tripped from my bed and hit on my fan and somehow broke it with my head (steal head or something idk lol)
don't worry, i'm fine about the hit
unfortunately, my back still hurts from spine issues. Not only that but my neck also hurts too. It gets worse when sleeping which makes it hard to sleep.
i'm not really wtf is going on, but if i don't feel any better, i'm going to the medic again. (i did mark a consult, however it only calls on next month, bruh)
btw, theres been progress on the visual novel project! I'm only making the story script though, so don't expect the easter egg to be done this month. Also, the 3D Ball Game sequel is far from finished, which also means it wouldnt be released this month (which is the game that the easter egg will be added on).
today, i'm feeling horrible. It's spine issues again.
somehow, on yesterday, the left side of my neck got hurt. i don't really understand what's going but it's hurting me. i couldn't sleep well today due to that problem.
maybe i didn't sleep in a good posture or something? not sure. not only that, but my back also hurts too. it's incredibly weird that, even when i do stretches, gym, muay thai and walking, i still have theses spine issues.
and i'm trying really hard to get help. i tried yesterday to go to a lawyer and talk about the public health system delays and unfortunately, it's something normal and that there is nothing else to do. i wish i had good amount of money to actually pay for a health plan.
anyways, starting today, i linked the diary in the index page. even though i said i would update this website more on day 10, i'm not gonna to do like, css or some other stuff until it's day 10. i think it's better than late to link other pages. and because i have 200 views on this website for some reason.
that's it so far, i'm thinking of linking my social media pages too on the website.
cya
hey again, been 6 days, huh.
so, since i finished sending my extension project to college a few days ago, that means my college, for now, is finished and im on summer break!
next month i wouldn't have college and have all of free time!
honestly, this semester was good. Sure, i still have health issues unfortunately, specially the back pain, but man it was better than the previous semester.
using Finch and google agenda really helped me a loud.
right now, there is still the issue whenever i have ADHD or anxiety. I still think it's ADHD due to the racing thoughts thing.
i haven't took the anxiety medicine and probably wouldn't since first, i want some explanation from the psychiatrist about it. like why does he think i have anxiety instead of ADHD and if possible, try to test ritalin first.
and because, when i search about the medicine, its mostly like a anti-depressive. My racing thoughts are not like worryness, for example, like being extremely worried about the future. It's not that. It's a bunch of random noise, like idk, Fate stay night music out of no where or ideas for projects.
The racing thoughts also occur during night too when i try to sleep. It's annoying tbh
Been taking notes about how to deal with the racing thoughts using Obsidian. One website i found is from Simply Psychology where he talks about it
so, about next month:
i'm planning to do the following things:
so yeah, that's it so far. I also uploaded a gesture drawing practice video that today in my youtube channel for the first time. I mostly post my art studies in the Learning to draw discord server by JP art
cya
there's been 3 issues with my health, which is back pain, the whole adhd or not thing and vision.
the vision inst that bad but, this year i want to go to a medic to see hows my vision, if its alright or something.
and the adhd thing, which is im not sure if i have it or anxiety, i haven't take the anxiety medicine yet. Not sure if next week if i'm going to use it. If i do use it, i will comment here saying if it's actually helping me or not. But i think it wouldn't since my mind racing ins't worry but just like a 100 chrome tabs.
and the most annoying, is the back pain. I've been having it since last year and well, its horrible. It's affecting me the most. Even though i did change my schedule this year to less studies, gym, muay thai, walking and physiotherapy which started this year, it still hurts and i cant barely like, play games for a hour or 2 (or 3 idk) without it starting to hurt again. Not sure when i will be fully healed from this horrible shit
In this monday, i will go to SUS (public health system) and talk about the request to see what happened and if i can make it faster since the pain is still there. I said this on my kofi page but i already did request a year ago and unfortunately, im still waiting.
so yeah, thats it for now. My back pain is still hurting in the time of writing this. I do hope i manage to make the consult faster for the public orthopedist in this monday.
cya
hey again, so this is about the anxiety medicine
even though i said i would take the medicine next week (probably), i'm still not 100% sure. I think the major problem is that my mom is in doubt too.
the main doubt is if i will be dependent on it and wouldn't be able to quit. While i was explained by people who took it before, she being concerned about it is correct. I'm also abit worried about it too
so, i probably need more info about this, specially try to convince my mom if i should take the medicine. I'm also worried that this may not be anxiety but ADHD since when i talked with DeepSeek, he seemed to think it's ADHD than anxiety (i know DeepSeek is not a medic, but still)
still uncertain about this. Currently tryng to take a guarana 500mg for a week to see for improvements. It also doesn't help that i would only be able to take with the medic next month instead of idk, next week.
that's it for now, cya
oh yea, one more thing, i forgot to mention this but i still have back pain since months ago now.
i'm not really sure when my back pain will be fully fixed. Today i spent around 4 hours sitting playing gmod and well, it started to hurt again. even though i changed my habits for more healthier one and stretches since 2 months ago, it still doesnt seem to be enough yet. (reminder that i do gym, muay thai, biking and stretches atleast 3 times a day for 3 minutes)
i started going to the physiotherapy since 4 days ago, so lets see if that fixes my back pain completely in a few months
tomorrow my website is going to be a week old. 1 week aniversary moment! (yipeeeee)
anyways, about the anxiety medicine, i've been looking for opinions around my city and so far, they seemed more towards in favor on me taking the medicine.
they said that, i can quit the anxiety medicine after 6 months or a year. I could even quit sooner if i don't like it.
so, does that means i will take the anxiety medicine? I guess so. probably next week, i'm going to start taking it.
in case i do feel worse (after a month or so), i'm going to stop taking it. during the whole finding opinions about anxiety medicine, it's said the first week, i'm not going to feel great during the process.
and if there is no effect, like, just feeling worse, then it's probably ADHD (which i'm thinking it is tbh, but right now, its necessary to know if the anxiety medicine would work or not)
now, talking about the website, so far, the index ins't finished. right now, in order to access the other pages (including the diary), you have to somehow access it via the update posts thing or just finding it via the url search bar.
i'm planning spending 10 days next month (probably around day 20 or 30) doing progress in the index page, which then, i will link all the others pages, including this one! i will try to brainstorm ideas for the website design until then.
i know this may seem out of nowhere but, my main dream is making a game studio. i'm thinking in making a page related to main goals or something, which the game studio goal will be included too. probably.
well, that's it so far.
cya
trying to setup a github pages for a extension project that uses npm packages and so far, it's not working!!!!
arghhh!!!!
Heya, been a few days since no update on the diary.
So far, about the anxiety medicine, uhhh, yeah, not sure about it yet.
Now, going back to the website, it's still in heavy underconstruction. When i actually decide to make more progress on the website, i'm going to update the index page more. And try to learn more about CSS during Responsible Web Design on freecodecamp. However, that's after i finish this semester of college, then i'm going to make more progress on the website.
Also, trying to find internships and well, so far no luck. yesterday, i decided to send my internships more outside of my country (brazil) to united states (remote only jobs) maybe that could increase the chance to get a internship
Btw, i've been trying to find friends during online college. Since unfortunately it's online, making friendships in person is been difficult. The friendships that i could make is on gym but so far, no ideas yet in where i could make friends.
Sometimes i feel like im grinding stuff in order to achieve my dreams. Sure, for example, i try to spend time on updating DemoScripter every day (atleast a hour), do extension project progress and etc and it feels sometimes boring, like not fun. Not saying that i'm going to stop doing it but, yeah, it feels abit boring you know, doing the same thing everyday. But i think once this semester is finished, im going to spend my time in doing something else that doesn't involve using a computer (which i want to find other alternatives thing)
That's it so far. When i update the index.html, i'm going to add the links page to my Ko-Fi, Youtube and etc. I'm also going to link others pages from this website too.
Cya.
So far, the website looks like this:
it's still in really under construction and well, i don't think that i will work on this website anytime soon since i have other priorities. The priorities being:
and other stuff.
I even made a 88x31 button in the first day of this website too! I made it using Krita and well, it looks boring tbh.
I like Neocities and i see it as the ultimate online profile page. You can make your profile just like how you want it to be and every profile is different, it shows that any person ins't the same. They are different in one way or another. And i think making my own website in neocities is great since i can apply what i learn in freecodecamp and improve at web development.
DemoScripter is a framework that i made in Godot Engine that is heavily inspired by NScripter. At first, i tried to use Dialogic to mimic that style, however, i didn't manage to, so, slowly, i made a visual novel framework and i'm glad i did. Even though i was in a rough state of mind (learning Godot Engine and not being good enough at programming using GDscript, it's the Dunning Kruger effect)
In my Ko-Fi page, i said about mind racing in which i think i have ADHD. The mind racing that i have is like, it always have multiple ideas, even though i don't want to think about a project. For example this website, yesterday when i was running with my brother, i wanted to relax and well, just use the bike and don't worry about the project. However, my mind is like a car without a brake, it didn't stop having ideas for this website, even though i didn't want it right now. Sure, it's good to have ideas and when i did have the ideas, i wrote it down on Obsidian but, it's not only ideas but sometimes a music playing in the background or something else. When it was my first day going to the psychiatrist in this year, he recommended me a anxiety medicine, thinking it may be anxiety. My mom said that i did have difficult in attention back in middle school and so, he said that if the anxiety medicine didn't work, then he's going to recommend me a ADHD medicine. But, i gotta be honest, i'm abit afraid in taking the anxiety medicine since that's something i don't really want to depend on. I want to be able to make my mind racing stop just by natural methods, like 3-3-3 rule, 5-1, meditation, etc. When i left the psychologist the day she recommended to go to psychiatrist, my mind felt at peace, like i never had the mind racing to begin with. It's really strange. And while i don't mind always using the ADHD medicine, i don't really like depending on the anxiety medicine since i think my problem is mainly ADHD somehow. I'm also afraid that if i take the anxiety medicine, i wouldn't be able to quit it and be worse after i stop taking it.
Putting the long paragraph about my mental health aside, this will be nostalgic one day. Even though i miss the old times back in high school, there were problems back then, so it wasn't perfect just like now. Like, my college experience ins't perfect since it's a online college and not in person college which i wished it was. But i have other problems too, like the mind racing, back pain, etc. And right now, in this state of the website, the diary ins't accessible in the index page. There is no link to it. So this note is before the diary page was available.
I didn't put the links about my Github, Ko-Fi page and other stuff yet. Someday i will add it.
And note, the first entry of the diary was written today but uhhhh, i wrote it on Obsidian first, so i think it counts? Also, that entry was the day where this website got created.
Yeah, that's it for now.
at night, i decided to run together with my brother. I was using a bike since i can't keep up with his run.
then, suddenly, it started to rain. The atmosphere of the night rain was sick and i never thought such a thing would happen to me since well, i never run at night when it rains. It was cool.